Tuesday, 2 May 2017

A Mothers Musings

Interestingly, I have been learning a lot about the power of negative thinking recently and how damaging it is to your life. And really this is in personal terms. Hating on yourself and making yourself believe you are an absolute failure. It just so happens that whilst I was doing the school run the other day an 'entertainment story' came on about singer/actress Selena Gomez which actually left me quite concerned for the poor girl. Having only really known about her in my grown up life this lady was a massive Disney channel star who then broke into the main music industry. What was really interesting was that she was once the most followed person on Instagram but had an absolute crash of self confidence and ended up in rehab. The story told of her main problem being that she couldn't deal with the pressure that this brought. Also that her fans were kids and then also adults and she never knew how to deal with trying to be that perfect person for both. What a title; the most followed person on Instagram. I mean, there I am thinking 11,000 people care about what I am putting up can you imagine the pressure of getting that perfect picture to share with millions and millions of waiting people. Can you just imagine the hoards of troll comments that come in. Now I know we can all say it's the price you pay for fame but to end up hating yourself because of it is quite a colossal blow. 
Negative thinking is something that we all naturally do. In fact it is something that we know we do but because our minds are so clever some people just think over it or shrug it off, not paying the "I'm Crap" thoughts any attention at all, but for some people, these thoughts are haunting. They are there as a reminder every time you try to do something, every time you want to have an opinion about something and they begin to eat at you. You are crap. You are ugly. They don't like you. You are a rubbish mum. How can he be attracted to you. The hurt on yourself is powerful. It is destroying. I know. I have this all the time. I am a massive self doubter and I allow myself to always remind myself that I am pretty shit at things. But someone told me something recently. If you are letting your brain rule of over you with these 'facts' then where is the evidence? Where is the proof? How can you be a bad mother if your children are clothed, fed, loved, driven to school, driven to clubs, read bedtime stories, etc. How can you be bad if your child can laugh, dance, sing, play, sleep well, eat well, want to cuddle you? Where is the evidence of you being bad? You discipline them to make sure they grow up to be an amazing human being? Well, does that make me bad? And with all my areas of thoughts; self worth, prettiness, intelligence, skills, fashion, where is the evidence saying I am crap at all of these? I don't think there is any, but in my head, the negatives come through a lot stronger than the realising that nothing actually proves these thoughts to be true.
Your mind is powerful and as a women I think we can all easily get lost in the proving of ourselves and the over reaching for goals that are just not manageable. As much as I want to look like Victoria Beckham, and she has had 4 kids and I only 2, I will not. So I need to accept that and not see it as a negative. But it's hard. We set ourselves up to fail so easily and I want to tell you to stop! Stop setting unrealistic goals. Set achievable ones. I start each week telling myself to run 5 times this week and start hating on myself when I only get 2 in. It's like I have failed. Instead, if I just set myself up to run twice and do more, it will always have a positive effect and to your mind; that's huge. I mean, imagine having a week of praise, elation and successful achievement. How are you going to feel as a person? 
I really find that I am thinking about mental health a lot these days and especially mine as I have my own struggles, but within my role as mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend I know that trying to be my best is what is required. I must be my best for me, first and foremost and not for anyone else.

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