Tuesday, 26 September 2017

The inner change is as beautiful as the outer this month.

We are all in agreement when we talk about just how pretty autumn is. In fact at the moment I bet there are lots of bloggers writing the same thing and sharing similar thoughts on just how beautiful this change in the season is. I think we all get the feeling of happiness and amazement that this incredible painting of the season is so visible. 
We headed out on our scooters today because, to be honest, I was just getting more annoyed being at home. The kids were being rubbish and that is something we have come to expect at the weekend. The few days that you just want to be enjoyable can be really quite hard, and as soon as Raph got up this morning we knew, there was something about his character that we knew was the sign that he hadn't slept well and we were going to really feel it for the rest of the day. We got to late morning before I snapped and ordered a walk to try and run it off. It did kinda work. I mean on the walk, we had a great time, in fact we scooted for our longest time yet which was quite an achievement, and with no real complaining {well from Raph anyway}. We headed up to Lincoln Cathedral as it is such a pretty area, and there was plenty of space to scoot around. I was sat with camera in hand watching as they went up and down the paths and it got me thinking. I suppose I was lulling on some idea about trying to make myself feel better and to not get so bothered by childish behaviour. Thing is I know it's bad when Rob is reacting to it, and as he had been it had been the right thing to leave the house and give us some space. And in heading out and watching them blow off steam it had changed the mood. The tone was lighter and even got over Etta's whimpers (at her inability to scoot like her brother) and just tried to comfort them as necessary. The autumn air was in my lungs and the leaves were beginning to fall round my feet. People were wearing scarfs and coats and the sky was grey but bright so I had this overwhelming feeling that it was just sinking away. 
I have had a few things happen recently, just that chip at you constantly and people who continue to speak their mind from behind a screen thinking that their words don't have a consequence because they haven't said them to you personally. I think as that seems to be happening I have this baggage that is just on me, weighing me down a bit. Hard days at home make for a nice concoction of sad days, irritable days and days where, actually, I have been thinking worse of people who I don't know and shouldn't pass judgement on. I know today though, I was able to shift some of that off, that air just helped. I got my heart beating fast and cool air was a welcome treat having got so flustered at home.
Having written a post that was published last week about my personal battle with my mental struggles I have found such inspiration from others who struggle in the same way and have become quite aware how actually it is so important for me to share some more personal battles as what I learned from that was that there are so many struggling without talking and me just writing that post brought such comfort to others. There was an incredible outpouring of love from so many and what was more humbling was people contacting me saying that they also had been prescribed therapy as treatment and had not gone, but having read my post were now going to book on. That was INCREDIBLE that my little post helped some who struggle just like me. 
I found what today has shown me is that my soul needs this change more than I realised, I need that change in the environment to help me have a beautiful change inside. To help support me in continually sweeping off the bad and turning over a new leaf {seasonally apt} because that's what I see in the leaves on the trees; their happy change from one season to the next. The passing of time and just the next stage. I look forward to each day that comes and each change that is made, seeing it come to life right in front of me and knowing that in me the change has begun also to allow me to find a happiness within and make normal days easier.

Some pictures from our walk.


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