Thursday, 14 September 2017

5 Ways to turn your bad day around.

One thing I haven't really spoken about on the blog is my mental health. This year, 2017, I started cognitive behaviour therapy. To be honest, I didn't know how to share my journey and even though I have penned a few posts relating to it I have decided that this is not the space to share it. Why? Not due to embarrassment, hell no, but because actually my readership {my family} don't need to read it so publicly. Somethings I just don't want to share with you but that does not mean I don't share it at all. I think one of the biggest problems in today's mental health crisis is actually people feeling they can't talk about it. I however had a handful of people who were so willing to listen and share similar thoughts that in my friendship group alone I discovered 4 of my good friends had also sought help in counselling. That shocked me when I began to think about it. We all just squirrel on but until we take that small step to open up to someone we don't know anything about each other's mental health. What I learned on my course has been brilliant and I also had a few sessions of deeper therapy to talk through some more thoughts I felt needed a less biased opinion. A lot of it is just guidance. How to handle yourself and your thoughts; so a worthwhile course for the person who needs to talk through some issues that are pulling their emotions down.

That all said, mental health still needs to be a health concern for you on an everyday basis. We all have good and bad days. All of us. All of us also emotionally show feelings and actions on either the good or bad days and most of the time, if you live with a partner you will find they will only too quickly inform you that you are experiencing one of those days. Let's be realistic, the good days are always worth the celebration, but the bad days actually mentally cause more emotional damage than you realise.

Say you just get on with life or your job and there just seems to be a great big pile of shit thrown at you. Metaphorically, obviously, and actually all you want to do is be away from everyone. Husband, kids, partners, colleagues, you know what, you just couldn't care less and actually a lot of the time I personally wish for the day to finish so I can just go to bed and try to sleep it off. However, usually the bad days are also the ones that drag the most. Why? Because your brain is so hyperactively thinking about all the shit, that you become over stimulated and begin to notice every minute.
I am rubbish. Bad days get me. They get me good. And even after being taught quite specifically how to deal with these kinds of emotional thoughts, I still find that I get a day where one thing will set off all those emotional thoughts I try to learn to control. One comment on Facebook did it recently. An acquaintance, not friend unfortunately, just made a really personal point to pull Rob and I down. That's fine. Pick on us but ambiguously just so that you won't seem like the mean one. It's fine. So from the reading of the comment, unfortunately in the evening which is always worse I pretty much spiraled. First anger {how dare she?}. Then questioning {because you write it from behind a screen do you think we won't care or it won't hurt?}. Annoyance {this proves why I don't really like her anymore}. Self doubt {am I really that easy to hate}. Questioning {seriously what did I ever do wrong? Start a blog? Thats when it started}. More self doubt {if I was just kinder, more patient, better}. Spiraling self judgement {she's right, I am shit, I am the shittest person I know}. Unimaginable thoughts {why I am here? What  have I got to offer? Everybody thinks this of me. no one actually likes. I am so ugly.}. And then darkness. Sleep is sometimes the worst medicine. This particular incident then rolled into the next day, into breakfast, and to the point where I had to speak to Rob about it again and just try and explain how irritated I was. And in talking to him we relooked at the comment and he just confirmed that yes it was a really mean thing to say but 'that' isn't us. Whatever she is referring to isn't us. It is just a woman thinking she knows something and she doesn't and she is trying to use that against us. Talking it through then brought me back {it's OK, carry on, you can't be friends with everyone in life}. Step away {I don't need that, it doesn't make me a better person to hold on to it so let it go}. Acceptance {I am choosing a better path}. And lastly: forgetting {what's for lunch?}.
It seems so silly that over one comment I had this whole mental battle with myself. I have always struggled to shrug things off. I am a holder, I hold all those comments, looks, judgement and I use it as ammunition to beat myself up. And what's worse is so do a lot of you. And it is just not necessary. 
I really wanted to share 5 steps to help you change a bad day around. Not to a happy day but to a day you don't lose because you are just peed off. Because that's all it creates. A lost day and one that you don't get back.

1. Try and look at the situation in a different way. Your childminder has cancelled and you need to go to work scuppering some important plans. Decide what comes first, work or your child? We all know what we would choose so try not to be angry at the poorly childminder, just work out the next route to make the day work. 

2. Really think before you let emotions role out. Umm, this is hard, whether you are struggling with your partner or whether someone has said something rude to you, really think before you lash out in anger. Again, mentioning Facebook, this is the worst place to vent your private feelings. I did, after that comment and then regretted it and within 5 minutes deleted it. 2 people contacted me asking if I was OK as it was not like me. They were right, I don't publicly try to humiliate or vent my emotions about situations like this. It only brings more upset. And what I learned a few days later when I had a troll comment on Instagram was to be polite, diplomatic and leave it at that. Sharing in this way kept me calmer, kinder and also by just excepting it I haven't thought about it since. 

3. Take a mental stroll. Iron out your thoughts before you act. Whether you have to change plans, or reorganise something, don't do it in haste and annoyance. Give yourself five minutes just to think about it and then act. The outcome might be the same but you might not be so snappy about it and cause more upset to yourself and possibly others. 

4. Don't start thinking you are the worst human ever. Just don't do it. You are not the stupidest/fattest/ugliest/meanest/angriest person ever so don't let the emotions of something rubbish happening to your day let your mind descend into unhelpful and hurtful thoughts about yourself. This is where I cause a lot of my damage and this is not helpful.

5. You be the change. If you have done the wrong thing accept it, make it better, apologise. If you feel the wrong thing has been done to you, you be the change. Proactively sort or forgive and forget. Your mental health is about YOU. You win the battles, you make the change. Make it a better day. 

I hope some of these points help one of you if you are struggling. I think recently I have learnt that the most important thing is that you keep yourself on the right path. My mum said to me when this was all going on, "Choose the path of light" and it still reigns true. You gotta keep yourself on it, keep the darkness away and keep going by making the right choices that enable you to be the best you can be.



  1. 💙 you helped me just now 💙

  2. Emily, you've been so strong and brave to write this. Your words speak volumes. Keep at it and be kind to yourself. Hope you have one of your sunshine days. ��

    1. Thank you Morwenna, it means a lot for you to have commented! Xxx

    2. Love your blog and especially very pretty photos. Good of you to share your struggles that so many do go through. Keep writing! BTW am visiting Lincoln for university open day soon with my daughter. Can you recommend any lovely tearooms that we can escape to at the end of the day before heading home?

  3. Your joy and light reach across the "pond" everyday. How many people can take credit for that?! Not many!!!! Keep up the great work!

    1. Bless you Monica, I have been meaning to message you in response to the last comment! Your words are always truly appropriated!

  4. I found this helpful Em. Thank you for sharing :)
    ...and classic Anne, choose the path of light! What a light she is <3

  5. This is wonderful.
    I really really struggle with ‘bad days,’ only mine always seem to roll into weeks or months. I know deep down counsellig will alleviate some of my pain but the guilt I feel from talking about it always seems to overthrow my intent, especially as I don’t have many friends so it always ends up being the same three people.
    It’s incredibly personal, but did you go through the NHS? I live in Lincoln too and don’t think I can face the waiting list, but I may have to if it helps.

    1. Hi Teigan, sorry it has taken me a few days to get back to you! I would suggest that you get to the doctor. That's all i did and I went with the NHS and was on a course in less than a month. When I got the letter and rang to confirm my heart was pounding and even on the phone was convinced it was the wrong thing to do but I am so glad I followed through. It is painful, and sad but holding on to it all is worse. Trust me, there is no shame or guilt to be felt when you are trying to fix things. Honestly, try it. Xxx


Blogger Template Created by pipdig