My Own Spring Watch

I was thinking that this January and February have been one of the nicest weather months. We have had such a dry spell here in Lincoln, with frosty crisp mornings and golden glowing evenings. I have really  enjoyed walking, even in the damp as there has been so much to see.

Maybe I forget each year but this January seemed to be showing signs of spring more than ever. I always think of January as quite dark but this January has been intensely bright, or maybe I just noticed it being bright because I was quite desperate to see the good in it rather than write it off like so many do. February has been much the same, each morning and evening giving that little bit more light. Being able to do the kids club drop offs with light skies gives the most amazing feeling. It makes the routine feel less of a drag. 

I haven’t spent much time in the garden yet (gardening wise) but have felt so inspired to get in there and clean it up the last few days as I see green buds starting to appear on plants. I even found a discarded pot of bulbs (I think from last year) which had bright green shoots popping up though the dirt even though it had had no care at all. 

I was reminded that everything can get a chance to re-grow, even when completely unsupported. The inner strength of the narcissus bulb to have sat in a plastic tub, without being intentionally watered for a year, left in the cold dark dark corner, still came through to reunite with its partner spring. How we can use such poetry in our own lives!

On my walks there is still the winter bareness of the bigger world. I know though at any moment it will just pop, like the Snowdrops do, and change our environments to be more luscious and green. The daffodils are just starting to bloom, the early risers that get sunny spots are already open but I know within a week the country lanes will be lined with the bright yellow trumpets ready to greet the passers-by.

I always think another real sign of spring is the murmuration of the Starling. If you have been lucky enough to see the thousands of tiny birds take to the sky and fly as one cloud you will know that it is one of the most amazing sights in nature. Last week on our way back from hair cuts at about 5.45pm we were driving past the industrial retail park in town, the sky was pink and the birds were out in full performance mode. It was amazing. Just last night, while Raph was out dancing, I made sure to drive back to the same area (it's on route) and park up and wait for the show. I was not disappointed.  Seeing all the tiny birds grow in their small groups to one colossal group is just incredible. The sun was setting, it was a February pink sky, and it was just perfect!

As always, I spend my life looking to nature for peace. For the moments when my head is most fuzzy it seems to be the best medicine. All these simple signs to life are out there, a reminder of the beauty of our world. 

Emily xx

A Moment.

Sometimes it's the smallest actions that can have the biggest impact.

Today, writing this it is February 27th, and I am sat in the garden, on my bench with a hot mocha enjoying the sun and the slight rise in temperate. I haven't even got my big coat on. I live in the city so there is this hum of traffic from the main road but over that I can hear the birds. They are so clear, so melodic. You have a deep coo from the pigeons but the small bird song overpowers. Their whistle is so high pitched in comparison. So tuneful.

I can hear aeroplanes in the background, it will be the Red Arrows, they are only stationed 10 miles away and regularly practice around the city. 

There is not one noise from a human, no chatter or loud screams, The children from local schools must be indoors still. 

Ginny is padding around the garden, she has destroyed our grass, it's so muddy now and I am going to have to buy grass seed to cover the whole thing. I didn't know that happened when you got a dog!

The 27th of February, I am outside, what a luxury. My drink is nearly half gone, I think it is getting colder quicker as I am sat outside. But seriously, I know I walk all year round, weather doesn't bother me but at this exact moment I feel in peak relaxation mode. There is no bother. The hoovering that needs to be done is not making me feel guilty. I already sorted the kitchen and ate a slice of cake, life is good. I am not letting my mind wander into my problems......

I just closed my eyes for a minute.

I honestly can't believe this. This is perfection. My moment. My hot drink. My garden. My peace. 

The sun on my face, it's burning through the light cloud cover it actually feels like the season is shifting  clearly towards the light. 

My cup is empty. 

Actually, My cup has been filled.

Emily xx

Giving Up Instagram For Lent.

Yep, you read that right. Here I am sat typing away having decided that for the next 40 days I will not be opening the Instagram app. 

It happened a few weeks ago. Rob and I were discussing what we would be "fasting" for Lent as it was fast approaching and we hadn't given it much thought. Lent, in the Christian faith, is the preparation time before Easter that allows us to follow in the footsteps of Jesus as he begins his journey towards his death. Lent has always been practised in our Catholic home. As a child we would give up Chocolate and sweets every year which, as a child, seemed impossibly hard to do. As I grew up, it actually became inevitably routine; a period of six weeks that we kept the lid on the sweetie box for. As an older teen I started to add in other "challenges" or rather ''fasts'' that I felt I would genuinely miss as that is the point; for there to be a struggle in not having. To understand better the idea of giving something up to create the opportunity for more spiritual reflection. Bread, cheese, cakes, tea, crisps have all had their time over the years. I think bread and tea were by far the hardest and most welcomed after the 40 days! 

The church asks a few things of us during the period of lent. It isn't just about giving something up, in fact you don't even need to, but it is about making a change. Using the period of Lent to change something in your life that allows you to be more open to the grace of God. To maybe hear a message you didn't before or to maybe learn something that wasn't truly understood. Lent is not a period of solemness, even though the idea of giving up may seem like a punishment, it is the joy in understanding we are on THE journey. The journey that is life, and if you choose it to be, the journey where you walk beside God.

Instagram and I have had a funny relationship for years. I spent the first half of my "career" on instagram earning money from it. Money that rivalled an actual job. Money that meant I could pursue a wonderfully creative job and literally work whenever I wanted. It also opened up opportunities that I will never forget and experiences that I am so thankful for. But the last 3-4 years Instagram became a place purely for expressing my creativity. The work changed and even though I could seek it, it became tiring and incredibly competitive. This came hand in hand with actually finding a job working for someone in a part time capacity which made life a little more exciting again and resulted in me being able to be even more creative away from the Instagram screen. However, I would always say that I enjoyed Instagram and the opportunity it opened up for me as a space to create and connect. 

The last few years after covid I felt so in my swing of sharing and helping. Bringing positivity and energy that was just calm and nice. I was happy in that space. The only thing I think has changed is that nowadays maybe I don't say enough. I got quieter. I got more self conscious. I got worried about, well, everything. And like anything, that begins to reflect in your work.

I started 2023 with a different energy. One which pretty much said, "this is me". I walk, I make something every so often, I like a hot drink, I still always love sharing outfits, and where it fits, I love sharing experiences especially ones about Lincoln, where we live. I have always enjoyed sharing them and actually creatively making the content. I love that! I love seeing things and being able to capture them in a really simple way. I have never had too many bells or whistles. A camera, a phone, an app where I edit light or tone. I don't use photoshop and never spent much time on learning to removed the unwanted parts of a photo. I just always shot where I liked the whole image. I don't call myself a photographer for that reason. I am a content creator. I create. 

Rob suggested the idea about giving up Instagram. I sit on my phone a fair amount. Somedays I don't open the app until we chill on an evening, somedays I can be on it making and publishing content or stories (which I love) which seems to leave that app open nearly all day. I got into the restless habit of zoning out just to watch random videos and it had more recently become a comforter in my sleepless nights. Apart from it being a wonderful creative outlet for myself, it was beginning to be used as a complete distraction. I didn't agree to idea straight away but I have to say, up until yesterday when I started posting my Goodbye, I didn't know if I was going to make the commitment. The moment I hit publish on a reel I made though, I had this wave of relief. Almost like a tie was cut and I weirdly felt full of inspiration for the next 6 weeks. And my followers, well, I couldn't have anticipated the support and cheerleading ethos I got.  

I haven't got any practices put in place of things to do instead of Instagram. I suppose I am just saying it's not here anymore and I am open and listening to whatever I need to hear. I can use my time more wisely, I can live without its distraction; I can just be still.

Lent. The time where Emily decides to offer up space in her head. That is pretty much it. Let's see what happens.

Emily xx

HOME // Whats New Round Here?

The ever changing home. It's a thing right? If your are on social media and especially Instagram it is easy to get swept up with the idea that EVERYBODY is constantly doing grand renovations on their homes. 

It's hard to not get trapped in the idea that you are behind everyone else and blur the lines between real life and fiction. People are all working on their homes but that's after years of work behind the screen that is Instagram. I have to remind myself of the choices that we as a family have made. My choices are completely different to yours, that's exactly how it should be, and that means my pace is also completely different. It is hard to watch "everyone around you" achieve these amazing home goals but you need to remember that it's not everyone, it's just others, who have worked for it and their time came now.

I love the phrase "Keeping up with the Jones'". It references that we want to be doing, or achieving the same thing as the "the Jonses" a fictional couple next door who just have it all! I have to stop myself competing. It doesn't get me anywhere, in fact the comparison actually slows me down. Near the end of last year I really was feeling the lack of what we had. I had forgotten months, no years of hard work I have done to be in a place of complete satisfaction with our home, and it threw me. Everywhere I looked someone had it bigger, or better than us. And we work hard. Rob works especially hard and I started to think that our lifestyle had become careless and that we should be saving way more, scrimping every penny so that we could plow it all into some bigger dream. Then I had to ask myself, What is the dream? 

Silence.

A bigger house? Maybe. Do I want more rooms to clean? Maybe not!

I think the realisation is that it isn't always MORE. Sometimes it is just inspiration for change. 

Realising that our life we have; our home is the key for us. Our way of living evolves around our space, our centre and that changes when it needs to but otherwise it is a constant source of perfection for our life. It is enough. It is what we need. 

A change though, that would be nice. Yep sure, actually if you have followed me for a while you will know a change is good for me. Redecoration, fresh accessories, new themes, all are much smaller changes but ones that come from a place of wholeness, not a place of want and desire to "keep up".

I wanted to share a post just about how the house has changed, but it hasn't and that is also worth sharing. Our house is the same as it has been for the last few years, since we did a major plastering project and bedroom change for the kids. Pictures have changed, what sits on the shelf has changed but that is all really and as I look around, I am OK with that. I like to inject something new where I can but at the moment that is a vase or a painting or a fresh bunch of flowers. 

  

The New Year

I wanted to share...

  

I always find it really difficult in January to start again. This year, for the first time ever I have taken it really slow, with no pressure, to give myself that time after Christmas to just recallibrate.

Truth be told, I have never liked the January, "new me" thing. Don't get me wrong, I have tried to do it many times but have always fallen into the trap of do it all at once and then suffer as I try and meet unrealistic goals that I never should have set myself. A good few years ago Rob and I would set a resolution that would centre around learning/doing something, not any type of short term vanity-based goal; something that would feed our souls a bit better. However, this year, after having had a few years of really great growth success, I decided to not choose anything and just see what happens. 

Because my views are quite drastically different to the online petitions of "change" I thought I would take all of January off writing or starting the blog back up and launch for the NEW YEAR in February; a month that naturally works in tandem with regrowth.

 I really love to focus on the natural world and February sure is a time to see growth that comes after a good rest. Just look to the ground and see the snowdrops and daffodils shooting up. It is quite unbelievable really. 1st January we think we need to completely overhaul our life. In the darkest and bleakest time of the year we are gearing ourselves up to be quite definitively the "best versions of ourselves", even though everything around is staying quiet, still, slowly working up to reach the fresh air. I couldn't do it this year. I couldn't release to the world some short sighted idea to make me a "better person". No. Instead I made a choice. I made a choice to DO, as I have for some years, to support my own idea that if I want to live well and long enough to see the kids grow up. I keep being fit, I keep not drinking, I keep learning to laugh at myself, I keep pushing myself to face my fears, I keep building myself up from my brokenness. It doesn't stop, it doesn't end, it is ongoing, just like the natural world, like the daffodils and snowdrops that grow in the same place every year.

The New Year is always a daunting time, Did I do enough? Did I waste my time? Did I achieve? The New Year should be a reminder that time passes (more quickly than we realise) and instead of making ourselves become perfect to live a perfect life, we need to take control of our time and use it to fuel us in an entirely different way. 

Pushing myself to keep walking daily, to jump higher in my Zumba classes, to get in cold water more, to eat more greens. These aren't just for this month, the next six months, for this year; this is to make me stronger far beyond now, to help me get to a place where health and life work in unison, where my body keeps moving and my mind keeps growing and where I can be comfortable with my thoughts and the noise and feel strong enough for the tidal waves as they come.