Wednesday, 21 November 2018

Me Right Now {Mindfulness}

''Where am I?'' I ask myself, and this week I feel like the walls are caving in. I know it won’t last long. Usually a good house clean sorts it out but honestly, I feel I can hardly breathe! It is never my life which is out of control, that is routined. What we do with the kids is always the same; a school week always works the same and weekends, again, never offer up anything difficult, but the last few weeks I am struggling to get to Wednesday without constantly trying to make myself feel better. And the only reason I have for this wobbly few days is that I exercise on them making me more tired. That in itself is crazy though as I spend an hour each of those days dancing, but am really finding by Wednesday eve I want to just cry.

Part of me knows that the beginning to most people's week is the hardest and busiest. I am busy all day Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and every evening, so my day doesn’t stop till 8pm once I am home from Zumba. I think it's just too much and I am not used to it anymore. I know that my happiness in doing the exercise will just get me through as I get used to my routine with it. That all said though, it is amazing how low I am feeling and how full my life is.
Having been through depression nearly 2 years ago now, I always worry a bit about slipping. Part of me has faith that I won’t because I learned so much from my therapy that I try and put into practice. But I also have a want sometimes to just give up, just to get away from “work”. I am not a quitter but if Instagram disappeared I think I would raise a glass! I joke! But interestingly I have really been hit with a creative block and just feel like I have shown it all before and that in itself gets me down. When so many people are putting out great content it does make you feel inferior, and I sure do. Only because I want the ideas. I have time and energy to put into them but at the same time I find myself avoiding making content!
Oh, I don’t know, I think you can see by my ramblings that maybe I need a break from it all, maybe over Christmas I should just put the camera away? But maybe I am already feeling guilty at the thought of not taking pictures to share!
What do you think? Is tiredness just getting to me, and the busy beginning of the week making me avoid work at the end of the week! I sure feel like that's the problem! Any advice greatly appreciated!


1 comment

  1. Told you I'd sit down this afternoon to have a read ☺️ I've got a cuppa in my hand, I've given myself 10 mins to myself while the boys watch some TV and I'm doing this for the very reasons you mentioned here. I suffer terribly with anxiety and also had therapy to try to help (as it turned out I didn't find it helped me because of the therapist) but I think like you say tiredness doesn't help. I reached a creative block a long time ago so rarely post as I simply don't feel I do anything worth sharing .if it helps your wonderful photography and styling always come to mind when I think of the most creative people who share lovely stuff on IG . I don't know if it applies to you but for me as I'm stuck in a rut being at home with a 2 year old, I don't feel I have any inspiration anymore. Hoping I find my mojo again! And I hope you're feeling better about it all soon xx


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