Tuesday, 14 November 2017

Finding My Space

I have had so many thoughts recently, always centred around one thing where feelings of improvement could be made. As the nights draw in I actually feel I can come into my own that bit more. I love our home. No matter how small it seems it is just my space that we have created and so much of that is so important. It doesn't come with achievable bills, It doesn't come with sleepless nights of huge mortgage money and all that is because Rob used some great foresight in seeing what could be, instead of my seeing what it was. Buying an ex-council house definitely comes with some negatives. Certain things in the early days didn't sit right with me, like having to buy your power from a corner store; that was a weird thing, I had never in my life experienced putting money on an electric card to enable you to have electricity (Rob - ''neither had I''). Luckily that didn't last for long. Other aspects were the decor: the council standard kitchen or the bizarre huge forest like garden, but all these things we moved past. All these things changed and it has actually become really hard to remember what things were here when we first moved in. That's nice though, forgetting the things that I once thought I couldn't get past. When it comes to our space now, there is nowhere I want to get to quicker. Well if there is a sink of dirty pots I will make some excuse to pop out! But the space is what I need, it's what we needed and what we have is just right. Not too much, not too little.
With the installation of our wood burner last year I felt that I went on a bit about how good it was. Anyone who stepped in the door I was instantly selling it, telling them about how it had "changed my life" and how if they wanted to experience what we had they would just have to make a purchase. Here I am writing this post, the kids out at tennis lessons with Rob, I am plied with tea and sat with my back towards its glow. If you have a wood burning stove, I think you would agree that it is the perfect addition to your home, If you don't have one, you need to agree that it is the perfect addition to have to your home. This fire, time after time gives me my space. It gives me the inner warmth I need sometimes when I have had all to hard a time trying to live the right kind of life. It gives me opportunity to just lie on the floor with the kids and watch TV and in endless amounts it calls me home to be in our space that we have built. 

I think it was when we were out Trick Or Treating that highlighted how lucky we are in our space. Our street is great and serves us no problems. Those who we know we talk to, those who we don't we don't actually every see. Ours is on the outskirts of an estate which we ventured into with our goodie bags and were greeted by very smiling faces from people who have probably lived in the same house all their lives and from people who were shouting at their own kids whilst handing bags of sweets to ours. Whatever their way though they had their sweets to give to others and were totally prepared to be part of the community that night. I think as much as Rob and I raised an eyebrow at some situations I did walk away thinking, no matter where they are or what they have, they are there to give to others, to our kids, to make something of one night a year where random strangers come to ask for gifts from you and they were there ready to give. It was a shame that when we got back, our bucket we had left out in the hope of people just taking one had totally gone and our kids just couldn't work it out. Why someone would steal it all, bucket and everything in contrast to what we had witnessed which was from Rob and my point of view, some quite poverty stricken houses and families giving to make our kids happier. 
After our walk and our examination of the treats {some people even gave the kids some money} we genuinely felt so happy with where we were. In life, I suppose as well. A great evening with excited children, seeing other people from what is our community, but one we ourselves don't venture out into enough and I suppose just a genuine happiness, regardless of the stolen bucket, about what we had witness and had been part of. Even if it was just more smiling faces greeting other people all wishing each other well, we were part of it. 
My space is what I have here, my home, but after seeing more of what's out there, my space isn't just interior, but the exterior, to our neighbours which makes me equally comfortable and settled.


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